Minimum Safe Distance

I'm Riff. I'm a writer for a popular online game called Kingdom of Loathing. This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

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Cyanide and Happiness
Scary Go Round
Overcompensating
Achewood
Starslip Crisis
A Softer World
Wondermark
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Goats
Zebragirl
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Wigu
Wonderella
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Lucid TV

Blogs &c.:
My Blog Loves Me
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Rock, Paper, Shotgun
Tobold
The Comics Curmudgeon
Warren Ellis
Slumbering Lungfish
X-Entertainment
Defective Yeti
Play This Thing
Jay Is Games
Ectoplasmosis
TokyoMango

Mon Nov 17
Fentimans Victorian Lemonade. Or, to continue the joke from last time, Fentimans est. 1905 Botanically Brewed Traditional Victorian Lemonade Not More Than 0.5% Alcohol By Volume Fermented Botanical Lemon Drink with Ginger and Herbal Extracts 275 ml. Sounds delicious, doesn’t it? …Wait, this has alcohol in it? That’s surprising. Okay, well, half a percent. It’s 1 proof. Still! Oh, and Wall-E. Smells: Like someone peed in my lemonade. There’s a picture of a grinning dog on the upper label. Maybe he did it. Tastes: Sour. Surprisingly sour. A little bit herbal. Extremely sour. Nearly as sour as those candies that say “SOUR” prominently on the label because that’s all they’ve got to offer but by George, they’re offering a lot of it. Not quite that sour, but very sour. It’s not bad… pretty decent. But it’s a bit overpowering. You can’t really do anything else when you’re drinking it, because it shocks you out of whatever it was. “HEY!” it says. “You’re drinking something VERY SOUR! Don’t forget!” Don’t worry, Fentimans Victorian Lemonade. I won’t forget.

Fentimans Victorian Lemonade. Or, to continue the joke from last time, Fentimans est. 1905 Botanically Brewed Traditional Victorian Lemonade Not More Than 0.5% Alcohol By Volume Fermented Botanical Lemon Drink with Ginger and Herbal Extracts 275 ml. Sounds delicious, doesn’t it? …Wait, this has alcohol in it? That’s surprising. Okay, well, half a percent. It’s 1 proof. Still!

Oh, and Wall-E.

Smells: Like someone peed in my lemonade. There’s a picture of a grinning dog on the upper label. Maybe he did it.

Tastes: Sour. Surprisingly sour. A little bit herbal. Extremely sour. Nearly as sour as those candies that say “SOUR” prominently on the label because that’s all they’ve got to offer but by George, they’re offering a lot of it. Not quite that sour, but very sour.

It’s not bad… pretty decent. But it’s a bit overpowering. You can’t really do anything else when you’re drinking it, because it shocks you out of whatever it was. “HEY!” it says. “You’re drinking something VERY SOUR! Don’t forget!”

Don’t worry, Fentimans Victorian Lemonade. I won’t forget.

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Places in Northrend

Last night, Jenni and I decided we’d had enough adventuring for the day, and decided to ride to Dalaran, which is the major city and adventure hub for Northrend. Here’s some stuff we saw:


This is Wyrmcrest Temple, in Dragonblight. A beautiful place, and the dragonmen inside are pretty friendly. Or at least, pretty neutral. Which is good, because they probably could have killed the fuck out of us.


I’m not sure what this is. Skull Something. Skullkeep, Skull Forge, Skullblight Deathforge, something like that. Hang on, I’ll look it up…

…I’m not sure, but I think it might have been Angrathar the Wrath Gate. (So I was pretty close.)

We didn’t go in, because these guys would have probably killed the fuck out of us. This is a recurring theme when you start wandering away from the places the quest-givers tell you to go.

The next thing we saw, I’m not posting a picture of directly, because if you are playing World of Warcraft, you should go and see it for yourself instead. Jenni and I were positively floored. It’s just totally fucking amazing-looking. Head north out of Dragonblight into Crystalsong Forest, hang a right, and look for the purple. You’ll know it when you see it.

Those of you who don’t play WoW, the picture is here.


And here we are at the Decrepit Flow. This was after we got to the Dalaran Summoning Crystal and were told that you have to find the one inside Dalaran before you can use the one outside. And that the quest available to get inside wouldn’t be available for two more levels. Cocks.

So we wandered around some more while waiting for a friend to scam us inside with a minor PvP Battleground exploit.

Well, that’s all the pictures I have for now, except for this one of a penguin:

More to come!

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People in Northrend

More holiday snaps!


This is Juniper (according to his nametag, anyway). I think he was some kind of ghost pirate, but possibly he’s just been eating too much cobalt ore. That stuff looks delicious, like blue raspberry Jolly Rancher crystals, but overconsumption can have serious side-effects. He certainly wasn’t very cheerful. Probably he had a tummyache.


Jenni had one too, from drinking too much information. Seriously, it was like magically-processed and encoded data. Like “Johnny Mnemonic”, kind of. “I want… room service!” God that was a stupid movie.

A cheerful walrus man riding on a cheerful turtle. I love the walrus guys, and this is one of the best things I’ve seen so far. I just know that these two are best friends. After a long day of pacing back and forth along a rigidly-determined path, they like to go back to the yurt and relax. Maybe share a bowl of fermented seal milk.


This walrusdude wasn’t as happy with his lot in life. He hated the fuck out of those fish. Seriously, you could hear him shouting “YARRRGH” and pounding the hell out of them from like the other side of the village.

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Northrend Vacation Pics

Northrend has a lot of different ways to get around. For example:

Canoe

Plane

Viking longboat cable-car rollercoaster

Teleport crystal

And carrot-motivated giant turtle boat.

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Re: lack of updates

You probably guessed: it’s because I’ve been spending the entire weekend playing World of Warcraft. I’ve been taking a lot of holiday snaps, though, so I’ll have a major update before long.
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Fri Nov 14

Northrend Travelogue

Just arrived in Howling Fjord. It’s pretty.

And the Welcoming Committee takes their job very seriously.

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Thu Nov 13

*shrug*

I haven’t got anything in particular to say today, except that Jenni’s been playing the last of the IF Comp games and reviewing them, and her reviews are very funny, and you should go read them.
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Wed Nov 12
AJ•Stephans Root Beer. Or, possibly, AJ•Stephans Pure Cane Sugar Root Beer New England’s Best Tonic Boston. Seriously, how am I supposed to know what it’s called if you put extra words all over the place? Oh, and a Blood Bowl troll. His name is Master Blaster. Smells: like root beer. Perhaps even premium root beer. It definitely has a faint scent of extra root beeritude. I don’t know what I actually mean by that, exactly. Tastes: Like root beer. Actually, it’s kind of light on taste, sadly. I expect a much stronger flavor from AJ•Stephan’s Pure Cane Sugar Root Beer New England’s Best Tonic Boston, but no. Tastes mainly like sugar water. BUT, it’s Pure Cane Sugar Water. Hooray! Don’t get me wrong, you can tell that you’re drinking root beer. But I wouldn’t rank it above, say, Barq’s, or A&W, or any standard root beer you could find anywhere. Oh well. Pop Soda actually sells a wide selection of root beer. Maybe I should do all root beers next time, and compare them. I’m starting to run out of interesting desk-trinkets to photograph, though.

AJ•Stephans Root Beer. Or, possibly, AJ•Stephans Pure Cane Sugar Root Beer New England’s Best Tonic Boston. Seriously, how am I supposed to know what it’s called if you put extra words all over the place? Oh, and a Blood Bowl troll. His name is Master Blaster.

Smells: like root beer. Perhaps even premium root beer. It definitely has a faint scent of extra root beeritude. I don’t know what I actually mean by that, exactly.

Tastes: Like root beer. Actually, it’s kind of light on taste, sadly. I expect a much stronger flavor from AJ•Stephan’s Pure Cane Sugar Root Beer New England’s Best Tonic Boston, but no. Tastes mainly like sugar water. BUT, it’s Pure Cane Sugar Water. Hooray! Don’t get me wrong, you can tell that you’re drinking root beer. But I wouldn’t rank it above, say, Barq’s, or A&W, or any standard root beer you could find anywhere.

Oh well.

Pop Soda actually sells a wide selection of root beer. Maybe I should do all root beers next time, and compare them. I’m starting to run out of interesting desk-trinkets to photograph, though.

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Tue Nov 11

Here is something you should watch, presuming you haven’t already. It’s called “Look Around You”.

Actually, if you have already watched it, watch it again. It’s good for you! Education is key.

Here are links for the rest of the series:

Water Germs Ghosts Sulphur Music Iron Brain

And the pilot, Calcium (1, 2)

There were apparently later series, but from what I’ve heard and seen, they’re not really worth watching. They must have used up all their funny on the first ones.

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Mon Nov 10
Click through and read more Lucid TV, so I don’t have to feel guilty about hotlinking the image. (Like my dozen readers are gonna tax their bandwidth.) Edit: turns out Tumblr imports and saves their own local copy of images. How nice! But you should read more Lucid TV anyway.

Click through and read more Lucid TV, so I don’t have to feel guilty about hotlinking the image. (Like my dozen readers are gonna tax their bandwidth.)

Edit: turns out Tumblr imports and saves their own local copy of images. How nice! But you should read more Lucid TV anyway.

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